I feel like I've been pretty quiet on here and even on Facebook because it's hard for me to keep a secret. I have to admit though, it was kind of fun having a secret. :) We were able to get into the dr. just one week after taking a positive home pregnancy test with Emersyn due to the fact that my last period with her was really irregular. We saw her on the u/s at just 5 weeks 6 days and that's when we told everyone. This time around we had to wait until 8 weeks to get into the dr.
So let's rewind a bit shall we? :)
For the past little while Brett and I have been practicing more along the lines of natural family planning. LeAnna knows what I'm talking about. ;) We knew that we wanted to have another baby sometime in 2011 but I was thinking more on the later side of the year. In December I told Brett we HAD to be careful. I did NOT want to make Emersyn share her birthday with a sibling. Plus, I love birthdays and wanted to spread them throughout the year. I even took an ovulation test in December (thank you Dollar Store) and when it was positive I said, okay NOTHING for the next three days!! I was sure that my efforts worked.
Fast forward a couple weeks. :)
On December 26th I got a really nasty chest cold and was feeling terrible. I noticed on my iPhone period tracker app that I was due to start in a day. I had two Dollar Store pregnancy tests in my bathroom drawer so I took one and it was negative. Whew. My parents were in town and I didn't really want them to see it in trash so I just put it back in the box and back in the drawer.
December 28th comes and I was a day late which is very unusual for me but again, I was so sick so I thought that might be why. I took another Dollar Store test and it turned positive. My eyeballs felt like they were going to pop out of my head. I was like in TOTAL shock. My mom and Emersyn were out to lunch, my dad was reading the paper downstairs, and I was about to take a shower. For half a second I thought about doing something cute to tell Brett but I was in too much shock and almost a panic. I quit my job in December. I didn't have health insurance yet and I had hoped to get it on my own which wouldn't be an option now due to a pre-existing condition. What had we done?!?! I called Brett and told him I had something to tell him. He was clueless and eventually guessed.
I have to say, the first few days of finding out we were pregnant weren't exactly joyous. :( Part of it was because of how sick I was and now I wasn't able to take any cold medicine. After weighing the options with insurance, we decided to go with my Cobra coverage which is *gulp* $450/month. Brett's insurance has terrible coverage and would end up costing us a LOT in the end due to deductibles and percentages that aren't covered. The money part really freaked us out for a bit. Our budget is already tight, we have no idea where the $450/month is going to come from but we ARE confident that the Lord will provide for us in a miraculous way.
After we got the insurance bit figured out we were able to relax a bit and start to get used to the idea. The other silly reason I was slightly disappointed was that my due date was sure to be SO close to Emersyn's birthday. Birthdays are really special to me and I would hate having to share mine. Plus, I have done this EXACT pregnancy before...I thought it would be fun to be pregnant during a different time of the year the next time around. I did LOVE my pregnancy with E though, loved the time of year that she was born. August was great, no huge cold/flu threats which is nice.
I made my first dr. appointment for January 17th, which was the day after I got back from visiting my Tiffany in Boise.
We decided not to *announce* the pregnancy until after we went to the dr. I did tell a select few friends and our families but for the most part we kept it a secret. Like I said, it was a fun secret. :)
As time went on between when we found and when the dr. appointment was, I started to warm up to the idea. I hope this doesn't sound terribly selfish or ungrateful but this was just SUCH a shock. That's how it was with Emersyn though too, although we were ecstatic to be expecting her. I think that I just LOVE my life right now, love my sweet little family and maybe I fear change under it all. I do know that I never intended to have just one child though so I'm not sure when we would have REALLY taken the plunge into a family of four if this hadn't happened. Plus, I know that many people in life have to pay a lot of money just to GET pregnant through fertility treatments, etc. It's easy for me to get pregnant (apparently) and that is a TREMENDOUS blessing.
It's just a LOT to process. :)
On Monday we had our dr. appointment. We met with a midwife that I don't normally see but my dr. wasn't available until this week and I didn't want to wait that long. The midwife went through the whole appointment and then went to do the internal u/s. She probed around in there for awhile and....get this....she couldn't find my uterus.
I of course start internally panicking because I always fear the worst with early pregnancies given the sad statistics out there. The midwife assured me that it was probably fine, it's not like my uterus was empty, she just couldn't locate it. To her credit I suppose, my bladder was full and apparently that can make it hard to locate. She said that she would try to make me an appointment at the *real* ultrasound department over the next few days. Um, NO! I needed an appointment ASAP!! I was pretty freaked out. She got me an appointment for 2:45 that afternoon. Meanwhile my phone is ringing and texts are coming in and I don't really want to explain that they couldn't find my uterus because I'm fairly certain I have one. ;)
That afternoon I was not the most pleasant person to be around. My poor husband. I was just stressed and we were having friends over for dinner so we needed to grocery shop and clean up our house. I tried to channel my stress into energy to clean but I was pretty emotionally drained.
2:45 finally came and we went into the ultrasound room. The tech found my uterus right away and in it was a sweet little gummy bear with a nice strong heartbeat. It was very reassuring to see and immediately I fell in love with that sweet little heartbeat. It's so different once you actually SEE evidence that a baby is growing inside you. For me it's like finding out I'm pregnant all over again. I felt like I had the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. It turns out I was farther along then I though, 8 weeks exactly. My due date is August 29th, the day after my sweet Emersyn turns three. :) I suppose it is very possible that they may share a birthday and that's okay. The Lord knows what He's doing.
Emersyn seems to get the fact that there is a baby in Mommy's belly. We have a picture from our u/s on the fridge and she says thats "mama's baby". That makes me kinda sad when she says that because I want her to know that SHE is still my baby as well as the baby in my tummy. She talks about her baby sister and I tell her that it might be a baby brother but she doesn't seem as open to that idea.
So far this pregnancy has mirrored Emersyn's. I've been consistently nauseous but not to the point of throwing up (yet). I've been exhausted and have taken naps while Emersyn naps pretty consistently and I don't feel an ounce of guilt about it. I know there will come a day when I will have two little ones that might not nap at the same time so I might as well take advantage of this time.
I am SO grateful to not be working. I can't fathom being this tired AND balancing work. Thank you LORD.
Okay, I think that's it for now. Thanks again for all your well wishes and congrats. We truly are blessed and know that this child is a gift from the Lord.